


Thoughts During Battle

by jitterrug



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Gen, Ignatz Week, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Slight Canon Divergence, Spoilers for Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Spoilers for the interaction between the two anyways, Support Spoiler, can be taken as romantic feelings or platonic feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 21:10:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21434761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jitterrug/pseuds/jitterrug
Summary: [For Ignatz Week day 5: Battle]Ignatz thinks about the difficulty of being face to face with his childhood friend during the war.
Relationships: Raphael Kirsten & Ignatz Victor, Raphael Kirsten/Ignatz Victor
Kudos: 18
Collections: Ignatz Week 2019





	Thoughts During Battle

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is my very first time publishing a proper fanfic and I think I did decent for someone who usually doesn't write! I hope everyone enjoys and have a wonderful Ignatz Week!! This is probably why I stick to art and edits rather than actually write lol
> 
> Follow my twitter @jitterrug for more content!!

Today was the day that he was going to have to battle against part of the Empire. The Empire that took his childhood friend away. He never thought that he’d be here on the battlefield face to face with Raphael but here he is now, facing him. Gripping his bow tightly, Ignatz only looked at the grappler in disgust.

“Out of my way, Ignatz. I don’t wanna have to fight you.”

_(Then why did you join the Empire? Why would you abandon us for a path that obviously led to bloodshed? How could you not realize that this is war?)_

“Stop deluding yourself. You joined the Empire. Didn’t you consider the consequences?”

Maybe Raphael actually didn’t consider it considering that this was a war that spontaneously happened after Edelgard became Empress. Maybe he thought that they’d all be able to graduate and live their own lives despite their classes and status. Nobody really saw it coming, not even the professors of Garreg Mach. No matter, he wouldn't let his own feelings get to him. Deep down, Ignatz knew that Raphael was still a good guy. A wonderful man who put others before him and tried to bring smiles to everyone’s faces but again, this was war and there were no equal ground no matter how you looked at it. The sniper felt even more guilt as he kept looking at his former classmate’s face, the face that he couldn’t stop remembering even when he betrayed the Leicester Alliance for the Adrestrian Empire.

_(It’s no use trying to bring him back, anyhow. He still despises me deep down after his parents died. I’m sure of it.)_

“I don’t want to fight you either, Raphael. But this is war.”

He learned to stray away from idealistic fantasies, preferring the reality of war. The bloodshed on the battlefield, the loss of family and friends in front of your very own eyes, the tension between everyone as they counted down the days until the war ended. This was how he lived for the past 5 years. After a brief silence, Raphael only uttered out a single name, making Ignatz frown even more.

“Ignatz…”

God, that was painful to listen to. The quiver in his voice, the way the blonde said his name, even the fact that he said his name like that made him feel horrible. Raphael put up his steel gauntlets, preparing for the battle that could kill him or kill his friend. The painter did the same, lifting up his bow. Usually for both of them, battles were nothing. They could fight so easily and effortlessly yet this battle made them shake in fear. For Raphael, it meant that he’d kill one of his childhood friends and he wouldn’t forgive himself. He wouldn’t be able to eat for days, looping the event until one of the soldiers snaps him out of it. He wouldn’t even be able to fight nor train, reliving the battle in his mind. For Ignatz, it meant that he’d kill off one of the last few Kirstens in the family, leaving Maya alone. That alone made him feel a pang in his chest, the thought of killing not just Raphael’s parents but Raphael himself as well making him feel nauseous.

_(Focus. Focus, you’re only here to bring victory to the Leicester Alliance and to bring Claude’s goals into fruition. I can’t let petty feelings get to me or else… my death will come.)_

He started to fire arrows, Raphael dodging them surprisingly well as the painter kept dodging the jabs from the steel gauntlets from his former classmate's hands. Ignatz felt even dizzier, the pressure and adrenaline mixing horribly in his mind. His grip on his bow faltered, his arms dropping to his sides as he quivered and shook in place. He can’t do it. He can’t stain his hands with his friend’s blood. His vision started to fog, tears falling down on his cheeks and staining his glasses as he looked up at Raphael, who stopped in his tracks.

“I-Ignatz… Hey, don’t cry! C-Cmon now… You’re gonna make me cry as well, don’t… don’t do this to me, Ig...”

_(Ig...That’s what he used to call me years ago… It’s funny how he never stopped using that nickname even when we’re both on opposite ends of the war.)_

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt a warm embrace from his childhood friend, a hand rubbing his back and a head buried in between the crook of his neck. Ignatz only stood there, using one of his hands to ruffle Raphael’s hair softly.

“I… I can’t back down, you know I can’t but… I can’t kill you either. You’re too important for me to kill.”

“I… feel the same way, Raphael.”

That was all he could say before he leaned into the embrace, thinking about the future. Maybe if the both of them lived, they’d live in the inn that Raphael’s grandparents owned. Maya would be an adult by the time the war was done and she’d have so much fun painting with Ignatz. Maybe they’d eventually make up for lost time and become an unstoppable team. But that was too idealistic. Too much fantasy in a cruel world like this. The world was filled with corruption, greed, apathy, and disgusting people who wanted to take advantage of those who were less fortunate than them and who were powerless to stop them. Raphael really was an important person to him and he really did tell the truth when he said that he felt the same but at the same time, he knew that one of them was eventually going to die for their own causes. Only one of them was going to make their lord’s dream come true and bring peace to Fodlan. The sniper carefully reached into his belt for the dagger, unsheathing it from its holder before sneakily holding it from behind Raphael’s back. He was going to end the battle between the two no matter what, even if it means that the future he and Raphael could have had would be shattered.

_(I’m so sorry, Raphael. I wish that we could have lived a peaceful life together. But this is still war.)_

Then he plunged the dagger down.


End file.
